I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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