Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
