Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
