you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
