I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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