An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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