How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
