just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
