Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
