who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
