How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
