Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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