it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
