oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
