so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
