I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize