Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
