Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
