theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
