you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
