weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish i was in the wii world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
