Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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