that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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