Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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