There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
