I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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