I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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