I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
