You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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