those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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