Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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