let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
