my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Enjoy the penises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
