HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
