erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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