Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
