I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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