I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
