Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
