His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
