I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
