dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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