i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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