While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
