were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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