I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Panties = found
Randomize