He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
