If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
