I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
