im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
