I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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