I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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