I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
