my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
