FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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