Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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