They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
