His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Congratulations! We have a period
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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