I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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