I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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