im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
