She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
