i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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