i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you had me at cake vodka
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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