When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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