it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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