When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
