just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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