she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
