people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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