Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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