Your face is a jimmy john
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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