i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
