My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
