Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mom said you looked used
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
