Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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