my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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