Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
