That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
