Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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